You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
