he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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