What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Randomize
