white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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