I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
