pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This baby is an asshole
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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