i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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