I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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