I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
