Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
