cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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