I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
