he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
