I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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