He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
