never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He better not be in your backpack
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
