Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
