never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
