so that wasnt chicken after all
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Enjoy the penises
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
