ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
