My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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