Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize