So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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