Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
