spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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