1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
