I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
