he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
