I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
