I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize