Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We had to coat check the pizza.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.