I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home