Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
