Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...