arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me