he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
