Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.

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  (248): It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks. http://tfl.nu/2y97
  Replies (29) Good night (1293) Bad night (2069)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.

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  (701): My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying. http://tfl.nu/rpdb
  Replies (32) Good night (7119) Bad night (697)
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  (408): View more from California

  worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum

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  (408): worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum http://tfl.nu/fisn
  Replies (28) Good night (2862) Bad night (9300)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.

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  (815): If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight. http://tfl.nu/9c3v
  Replies (40) Good night (3304) Bad night (6963)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night

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  (303): the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night http://tfl.nu/fwes
  Replies (6) Good night (4033) Bad night (1185)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone

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  (518): it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone http://tfl.nu/gzqw
  Replies (13) Good night (4468) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him

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  (608): He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him http://tfl.nu/0tzl
  Replies (6) Good night (1637) Bad night (2305)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.

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  (416): We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water. http://tfl.nu/lb4i
  Replies (6) Good night (2735) Bad night (734)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this

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  (605): Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this http://tfl.nu/ch0i
  Replies (19) Good night (1106) Bad night (2808)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.

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  (330): we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it. http://tfl.nu/vxbj
  Replies (3) Good night (614) Bad night (2012)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.

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  (317): The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often. http://tfl.nu/fdr3
  Replies (4) Good night (2042) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302

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  (828): No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry (828): Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302 http://tfl.nu/twph
  Replies (12) Good night (2982) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball

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  (813): It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball http://tfl.nu/dyfa
  Replies (1) Good night (421) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  Fair enough.

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  (860): If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face. (1-860): Fair enough. http://tfl.nu/elro
  Replies (0) Good night (656) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?

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  (317): Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed? http://tfl.nu/ggrn
  Replies (13) Good night (306) Bad night (793)

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