Plan B is the new Plan A
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.