you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
