Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
