her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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