First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
