So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
