if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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