how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
