We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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