I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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