My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
