Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
