Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I won't apologize to a one balled man
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
