I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You have to summon your inner elephant
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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