She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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