In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
