operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
someone owes me an orgasm
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
