YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
