dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
