he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
