my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
