her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
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He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
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You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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