Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
