Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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