Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
