I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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