I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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