My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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